10 strategies for reversing negative self talk
As part of my Monday Morning Minute for May 7, 2012, I mentioned a list of the top ten strategies I’ve learned for reversing negative self talk. By doing them intentionally for thirty days you can and or will change the quality of your internal dialogue for the better.
Focus on one of your greatest successes: This strategy is designed to refocus your attention on one project or activity you’ve done really well. Specifically, you want to remember what you heard people say to you or about you and your performance. You then want to create the longest list possible of affirming feedback and view it daily for thirty days.
Inventory your self talk: Noticing what type of conversations you have with myself is important. Are these conversations positive and affirming or the opposite? Learn to catch yourself when they are negative and review your list from #1 above.
Meditation and or prayer time: The most important time of your day is the first thirty minutes. How you spend this time determines the quality of the rest of your day. If you spend your first thirty minutes checking email, watching the news, or reading negative newspaper stories you’ll be toast. Spend this time in meditation, prayer and or reading inspirational works. This is the time to reconnect with who you are spiritually.
Get an accountability partner: One of my best decisions was to hire a mentor/coach. Whether for triathlons or for my business, I benefited immensely from having someone other than myself view my plans and results. You will want to have a personal board of directors; a group of three to five people who call you on your stuff when need be. If you’re like me you’ll recognize that we all have advanced ways of fooling ourselves and need a trusted and respected accountability partner in order to grow and prosper.
Affirmations and visualization: Develop a list of qualities and traits you want to exemplify. Read your list every morning before leaving bed and every evening before turning the lights out. While this process is not scientific, this process will have a positive effect on your outlook and demeanor within one week of starting.
Have an internal contrarian: Whenever you fall into negative self talk you will benefit from taking a contrarian point of view. For example: if you start to generalize from a negative specific situation, you should stop and ask yourself to find evidence that points to an alternative conclusion. You’ll typically find at least five alternatives, and from the five choose one that seems the most plausible. This one plausible alternative outcome is proof that your current negative perspective is skewed.
Set a higher standard for how you talk with yourself: This is a really important strategy. Why do we talk to ourselves in ways we wouldn’t accept from a friend, client or family member? It’s oftentimes out of habit or conditioning. If a friend talked with you in the same way you talk with yourself you’d be gone. Have the same standard for your own negative self talk! Learn to mentally get up and walk away from negative self talk by saying “stop it – this is a habit you’ve learned, but it’s not working any longer.” If you won’t stop your own negative self talk who will? No one!
Practice assertive optimism: Somewhat similar to contrarian thinking, assertive optimism is the practice of seeing people, events, and situations from an optimistic perspective. How many times have you been upset with someone only to find out later that their behavior was rooted in either a family emergency or receiving bad news? Too many times. Keep in mind that there is always another side to the story and you don’t know it. Each situation and any corresponding negative expectations are rooted in a story we tell ourselves…typically about something we’re afraid of. Work to assertively insert optimism into all of your interactions and transactions. If you see me doing differently, you are free to let me know.
Choose your words carefully: Whenever we’re tired and worn out we become sloppy with our language. We say things like “I’m so stupid” or “I’m completely blowing this.” Instead, stop and use words like “I’m tired and can’t concentrate” or “this is not my best performance. I will do so much better when I’m rested.” The words you choose are planted in the fertile soil of your imagination and take root. I recommend choosing words that are known to produce a bountiful harvest and not a bed of weeds.
And last but not least…
Don’t dwell on negative self talk: It’s really easy for us to fall into a pattern of focusing on that which we don’t want. When we don’t want something its oftentimes because we’re afraid of the consequences…so we procrastinate and dwell on it. For example, there was a period in my life when I was really afraid to fly because I thought the plane would crash. I would spend entire flights saying (to myself of course) “we’re going to crash.” The problem was that I was remembering an event from my childhood and wrongly assumed that ALL flights would end in a crash. It wasn’t until I met a pilot who understood my concerns and proved that what I was worrying about was the least of my worries when flying. Now when I fly I focus on the positive saying “I may not love flying, but it’s safer than driving my car.” The first conversation creates fear, the later creates clear thinking that leads to a more enjoyable flight.
I have a couple of questions for you:
What other strategies have you found helpful?
Which of these strategies resonates with you?
Which of the ten strategies, if you were to more fully embrace it, would have a positive influence on your personal and professional life?
